Monday Tim and I went to the mall to look for a coming home outfit for Grayson. We spent a very long time walking around the mall and I stopped a couple of times to tell Tim that my Braxton Hicks were happening fairly regularly. It was exciting, but it never crossed my mind that these were productive contractions. We also didn't pick out an outfit for Grayson, thinking we had plenty of time.
February 26th
On Tuesday morning my day started pretty quietly, I met a friend to work on FRG paperwork and then headed to get a much needed prenatal massage, the perfect gift for a big old pregnant lady! I was totally relaxed and feeling as good as I could for 36 weeks pregnant.
Tim and I headed to bed around 10pm. We were barely asleep when I woke up at 10:30pm and instantly knew my water had broken. Tim didn't believe me, but I knew I hadn't peed on myself! I got up, went to the bathroom & said, "Tim, how do you feel about Grayson's birthday being February 27th." At this point I was in disbelief that this was really it. I wasn't even quite full term & I didn't even have my hospital bags packed, but I sent a text message to my doula, Ashley and laid down to rest until contractions started.
I only rested for about 15 minutes before the first contraction hit & hit hard. Tim was rushing around tossing newborn clothes in the washer & packing a hospital bag while I worked through contractions coming every 5 minutes or so. By 11:30 Tim helped me decide that it was time for Ashley to come over. My labor was all in my hips and thighs, making it impossible for me to bear any weight on my legs during contractions. I thought Grayson might be mal-positioned due to all the back/hip pain & tried to work through steps to move him, but it quickly became difficult to stay mindful during contractions & I turned inward. I didn't want to speak it out loud, but I was beginning to feel some fear - I expected contractions to intensify over time, but mine came on hard and strong from the first one and all I could think was that I would be doing this for another 12 hours.
February 27th
Around midnight Ashley arrived & timed my contractions, discovering that they were getting much closer and longer than before. I moved to the bathtub for some relief, but my tub was not deep enough to submerse myself & we began to discuss heading to the hospital. While in the bathtub my contractions were coming right on top of each other with no noticeable relief. This was not what I pictured & I began to panic. I prayed for relief and strength and remember very little of what was going on around me or how much time was passing.
By 1:15 my contractions were two minutes apart and lasting a minute to a minute and fifteen seconds. Tim and Ashley were suggesting we head to the hospital, but I couldn't imagine standing up or moving & I told Tim that I was worried if I went to the hospital that I would want pain relief. I was doubting my ability to birth my child - a clear sign of transition - & I clearly remember thinking, "this is classic transition behavior, but I am probably only a couple or 3 centimeters dilated. How can I survive this." I tried to focus on Grayson, focus on opening my body up for him to come down so that I could meet our son. Tim went to warm up the car & while he was gone I began pushing at the peak of contractions with no effort on my part. Ashley asked, "did you just push?!" I was in denial & said that I was not; however, by the time Tim returned from the car Ashley asked him to call 911 for an ambulance to transport me, otherwise Grayson was going to arrive at home (which I would have quickly gone ahead with if I were not still preterm).
From here on out I tried to resist pushing and it was SO difficult. I still could not believe that I was fully dilated and I did not want to leave home. I was embarrassed that I would leave the house & arrive at the hospital in an ambulance. Not to mention, my vision for Grayson's birth included dim lights, hushed voices & calmness - not flashing lights, exiting my house naked on a gurney, bright lights in my eyes and EMT's asking a million questions... and then being rushed through the hospital like an episode of ER and tossed from the gurney to a labor and delivery bed. Oh... Grayson was also crowning as we rode the elevator up to the 4th floor - how tranquil. Thankfully, Tim was with me the whole time supportive and strong. As we were zooming down the hall he said, "Katie, Grayson has tons of hair!" Tim was also the one to firmly stand between me and the EMTs/medical staff so that I could focus.
I had completely lost focus at this point. I was making awful noises in response to the pain, I was tensing my entire body & I was angry that Grayson would have a traumatic entry earthside. Once I was on the bed I was told that I could push freely. Although Grayson was already crowning, my pushes were weak because I was unfocused and using too much energy to yell like some actor "giving birth" on TV that I normally would have scoffed at. This was NOT right. Right away, Ashley got in my face and told me to focus and use my energy to push. That was all it took & Grayson entered this world at 2:36am, three minutes after the ambulance logged our arrival.
The hospital knew I was on my way & had read my birth plan. My nurse Marianne was fantastic and helped make sure everything went smoothly. Grayson came directly to my breast, perfect as could be and his cord was left to pulsate. I told him over and over again how much I loved him. He stayed in my arms for almost two hours before he was weighed and measured. I will never voluntarily give birth in a hospital again, but I am thankful that I wasn't harassed about the healthcare choices Tim and I had made for Grayson and I am still so thankful to Marianne for her unwavering support and help. She is the best nurse I could ask for.
Looking back, I learned a lot. Mainly that labor is completely unpredictable and that my body is much stronger than I ever gave it credit for. And I will forever be indebted to my doula, Ashley. Without her expertise, Grayson would have probably been born on the side of Hwy 3. She was such a centering presence during labor.
Timothy Grayson Fowler was born at 36 weeks +5 days on 2/27/13 at 2:36am weighing 6lbs 2oz and was 19.25 inches long. He is perfect and being parents is the greatest joy Tim and I could imagine.
